Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
