the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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