i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
