You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
