Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
