Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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