Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
