he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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