mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
