worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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