Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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