I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
