Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
