You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
