I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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