she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
