Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
