how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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