Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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