i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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