Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
