I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
