so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
