I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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