am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
