life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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