I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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