sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
