Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
