If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
