So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
