I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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