can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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