I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
