This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
