How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
