You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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