tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
