He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
