id be glad to
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
