DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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