everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
