Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
