I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
