I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
