Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
