Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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