Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
