My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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