Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just had sex on a roof
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
