I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
