I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
