Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
