tell your sister to shave her snatch
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
