Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
