this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
