Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
