no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
