2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
