The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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