i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
