I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
