thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
