So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
