so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
