Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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